I can't buy Spotted Dick any more than. It's offensive, they say. Don't cognize why, as it contains executed fleshly produce, which apparently is not offensive, E numbers that don't offend, grease, lard, currants. Especially currants. Can currants truly pique me.

But no. It's the dub that offends, isn't it? Spotted? Is this distasteful mayhap to disobedient youths, riddled beside acne, or does it name to their someone dappled in the hurt of mugging few old lady, for her period of time regular payment money? Ooops, that's not politically precise is it?

Then it has to be the Dick segment of the entitle which is lewd. Again, surprising, according to my officer Richard - or Dick, as we nickname him; he hasn't been accosted by the Thought Police yet, for uttering his abbreviated pet name when someone introduced to ladies called Fanny.

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Maybe it's freshly me. Maybe that flat solid really is a chalkboard, and Blackpool genuinely is Holiday Town. I sure as shooting know that Christmas in Birmingham is Winterville, and cards include pictures of tractors instead of the politically-incorrect Christian symbols. I wishing to God - oops, contrite - that we could retrovert to Olde Worlde traditions and detail the PC Brigade to get overfull - sorry, that's impolite to turkeys.

But you know what I average. Erosion of public knowingness prevails, and plain Simons - sorry, Simon, I'm so un-PC present - sit trailing wood - can I say that? - desks, beside spurting fountain pens in extremity - sorry, that is so loaded next to physiological property references, isn't it? - and cacography off your rocker - apologies to relatives in mental homes - religious text that have certainly no attitude on sincerity at all.

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